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Education for Emotional Resilience - Shared screen with speaker view
Sifaan Zavahir
08:00
The problem with the rat race is that, even if you win, you are still a rat 😉
Gareth Manning
08:59
Lol great quote!
asmith
13:30
I am a former elem teacher and now work with kids and families 1:1 and so many parents bend over backwards so their kids do not have disappointments. I have observed that some adults do not know how to approach situations when their child experiences lack of “success”. This is part of the human experience and builds resilience and perseverance. :))
Kathy Magnusson (she/her/hers)
17:46
The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey is a good book that talks about how we need to let children to failure and how to support your child when disappointment happens.
Cian
19:24
Being a victim allows one to relinquish agency/ responsibility.
Alicia Richard
20:04
There is an old article written by a former Sudbury staff person in Portland which pegs parents as “the kind” and “the real” “the kind” want their kids to be comfortable and kind all the time, “the real” want the kids to experience the real world, uncomfortable included. Actually, I found a link. http://nannarboe.com/OnlyTheHopeful.html
Kathy Magnusson (she/her/hers)
20:11
Nonviolent communication is a great process to practice
Learning Without Borders
21:07
acknowledging the feeling and holding space for it is helpful
Sifaan Zavahir
27:03
“Tell me more about it” is so much more magical than please / thank you / sorry
Judy Arnall-Unschooling STEM
37:57
http://www.attachmentparenting.ca is a good resource for not coddling, but supporting children.
Gerry Kirk
40:51
suggestions on how to support teens who are low on resilience?
Derek Sturm
41:17
yes please, what Gerry asked for
Jimmy
41:39
@Gerry I'd suggest supporting the teen as much as they want/need support, backing off only once they want you to back off.
Derek Sturm
42:53
how do you support a teen that quits something they love because they feel unskilled at it, when they have not enough experience to feel skilled?
Jimmy
44:00
@Derek I'd suggest making it clear to the teen that you still love them, whether or not they do the thing they feel unskilled at. Once they feel that they're secure regardless, they'll feel more confident to try something they might fail at.
Gerry Kirk
45:20
@Jimmy so so hard for them to open up about much beyond surface level, and work through things... I'm at a bit of a loss tbh
Jimmy
45:48
@Gerry Would you like to discuss this via email etc.? I'm at office@riverwindsudury.org
Derek Sturm
45:48
I might mention the phrase "tell me more" has a different connotations for gen-Z. Video game servers replace certain mean phrases with "tell me more" so I
Derek Sturm
45:57
--'d avoid using it
Jimmy
48:20
@Gerry Is this a longstanding problem with this teen?
Derek Sturm
48:48
Seriously though, do not use the phrase "tell me more"
Jimmy
49:09
@Derek Is there some other phrase with the same meaning but without the negative connotations?
Derek Sturm
49:28
I usually say "I'm listening" when they stop talking.
Derek Sturm
49:33
Works for me.
Jimmy
49:34
Sounds good
Derek Sturm
50:10
For clarity "tell me more" means "stfu" in current gaming culture, which has spread to teen social media like tiktok, etc.
Jimmy
50:21
Ah. I hadn't known that =(
Stephanie Sewell
51:25
Wow. Would "say more" be an option, do you think? Or is it the general idea as much as the specific words?
Derek Sturm
51:46
idk, "say more" seems like an order
Stephanie Sewell
52:17
Yes - I know what you are saying, but I have a friend who uses it in a way that is totally inviting, not ordering, and I've been trying it out!
Jimmy
52:24
Another option is just to reflect the emotion to show that you heard it. If a kid is expounding on something that made them upset, you can just say "That sucks."
Learning Without Borders
52:32
I think the tone of voice when we ask people to “tell us more”. etc. is the key
Derek Sturm
52:45
yes! "That sucks" is magic
Jimmy
53:15
@Learning Good point. Some of these things will work for In-person conversations even if they'd bomb in text-based conversations.
Learning Without Borders
53:51
@Jimmy…. I agree :-). 90% + of communication is body language and tone
Linnea Schluessler
54:08
The bottom line is that the use of "tell me more" is most often sarcastic and is rarely used literally. Even "Tell me about it" adopts a more sympathetic tone that doesn't include the tone "obviously I already know about this" or "join the club"
Derek Sturm
54:12
I mean, I think your nonverbal focus on them says more about a desire to hear more than words ever could. Don't walk away, don't do a different taks, just give focus.
Sifaan Zavahir
54:42
re. The 90% of communication - the study on that was in the context of expressing like/dislike
Alicia Richard
54:58
I had a question actually…I can say it if I have the chance, thx
Derek Sturm
55:59
@Alicia, you might want to unmute considering the long conversation we made in the chat . My fault
Alicia Richard
56:28
No worries, I had my virtual hand raised for a long time, lol,whatever works
Derek Sturm
57:30
All they need is someone that tells me the truth. Best advice.
Jimmy
59:20
I was the goody-goody kid who was falling apart inside. I can attest to what's being said!
Sifaan Zavahir
01:02:42
@Jimmy me too
Derek Sturm
01:03:38
I have tons of examples, but it happens often with writing.
Derek Sturm
01:03:48
My kids have great ideas, but balk at writing about them
Jimmy
01:03:49
@Sifaan Sorry to hear that =(
Cian
01:04:06
I have a question please
Derek Sturm
01:05:27
ok, now I lost audio, i need to try and rejoin
Alicia Richard
01:18:06
Absolutely!
Derek Sturm
01:21:38
And don't hesitate to ASK someone if they are suicidal
Jimmy
01:23:26
Let suicidal people know that it's ok to cry. It's not something to be ashamed of. Crying helps people process their feelings.
Cian
01:31:54
Radical unschooled are like that.
Cian
01:32:05
Thanks again all. Good night!
Alicia Richard
01:32:40
My three year old used to do that too, haha!
Liz Campbell
01:33:17
Thank you, Naomi! Next year you will be a keynote :)
Alicia Richard
01:33:34
Thank you for your life affirming work Naomi!!